American (Mid-Southern), my boy and I decided to live right smack in between our two mental families (to limit the Jerry Springer drama to arm’s length). The road to a family has been kinda rough.

Here’s the damage so far:

1. Main problem = endo. Had it forever. And ever.

2. Got off BC in 2003

3. Wanting minimal intervention, decided to let nature take it’s course, and if we had problems we’d talk to someone. Eat right, exercise, meditate, yoga. All that bullshit.

4. 2005 – A move and 2 job changes later (one for each of us), we decide it’s time to worry.

5. Saw an OB I thought I liked (until I got to know him), got the endo (and ovarian cysts as a bonus) officially diagnosed (LAP). Tried first round (3 total) of Clomid. Worthless. I didn’t have a period for 2 months, my estrogen was so high. Back to the jerk (shame he went to school that long only to discover that he can’t read charts, at least not mine) asked again about Clomid, if we should try another round, his response was “I don’t know – should you?” and then he asked if the cysts were diagnosed on ultrasound. We reminded him that they were diagnosed through the LAP that HE did. Then we found out that there was a large pocket of endometriosis behind my intestines that he didn’t touch, because “we just didn’t want him getting into THAT” (while waggling his fingers at us). In a previous appointment, he’d told me how even one endometriosis lesion can affect fertility. What exactly was the fucking point of that surgery?

6. 2006 – see new OB – tries one round of Clomid (reluctantly) to make sure the first OB didn’t overtly fuck anything else up – zilch. Referred to RE immediately.

7. Ultimately find that I have a fluctuating FSH and estrogen levels, depending on the size and number of functional cysts present (I seem to get a new one each cycle, actually), I’m refractory to the Follistim – the higher the dose, the fewer eggs I produce. In the space of a year and a half, we got to try 3 IUI cycles because my hormone levels prevented any more. Never got over 2 developing follicles.

8. We’re told donor eggs or adoption are our best options. We were also told we could screw around with this as long as we wanted, but in 2 years, we’d only been able to have 3 IUI’s. IVF with my equipment seems out of the question. Takes us (me) 6 months to decide what to do.

9. Start the donor search in January 2008 (me at age 38), find one we like and she’s actually available. Things are scheduled, money (lots of it) is exchanged and the games begin. 2 embryos transferred in April 2008 – 1 implantation, 1st + pg test I’ve had (well, okay – second if you count the chemical after the first IUI).

6. As of 6/27/2008, 10w4d pg with singleton, miscarry at home at midnight. G-F-Dammit. Nothing was good enough to freeze, starting all over again.

I don’t remember life before this, these constant cycles of panic and “oh shit” and “now what”.

7. 7/24/2008 – find out from the blood work drawn after I miscarried that I have some issues. MTHFR mutation (heterozygous – not a big deal), positive for 4 antiphospholipid antibody’s (a bigger deal) and a very positive Lupus Anticoagulant. Start low dose aspirin, Folgard (folic acid, B6 and B12 supplement to be taken for life) and start digging for information. If I actually manage to get pregnant again, I’ll be on aspirin and heparin shots throughout the pregnancy.

8. Make the decision to try again (of course), find another donor and make the arrangements for another IVF cycle this fall, if possible. We burn two months waiting on a local donor who backs out, we then find another one who is mature enough to duck all phone calls after accepting our cycle (you can’t just say NO??!!) The next donor developed cysts/endometriosis after she got off the BCP and then two backup donors got snatched out from under us. Finally found a donor to stick around for the long haul, and DE IVF #2 finally kicked off 7/14/2009. Heparin shots throughout pregnancy, it was actually pretty uneventful.

9) But because normal and simple just don’t happen for me, my daughter was born on 3/1/10 (5 weeks premature). She got fired from NICU (a good thing), spent time in an incubator and then she was all ours. For better or worse, poor kid.

10) Debating #2, jury is still waaaay out. Terrified of facing all that again, almost didn’t make it through the first time. Perhaps it’s just time to cash in my chips and go home.


One Response to “About”

  1. jaded me Says:

    “cycles of ‘oh shit’ and ‘now what'”, i hear you. i been there, not cute.

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