I’m not here much anymore. I’ve switched jobs, my daughter is almost two and the times, they have been busy. And stressful. I know, cry me a river right? I don’t say this to complain, just to say that even after all this time I know exactly how lucky I am. I try to always embrace the good with the bad (at least it’s not ALL f-ing bad). I am lucky as hell to be here and lucky to have my little family. I’m still into simplicity. I try to put us all in situations where we don’t have to tell my daughter “no” very often – not a lot of discipline needed yet. So far, we are just enjoying each other. I hope it lasts as long as it can. I love this little girl with everything that I am.
I’m planning on being honest with her about her conception, about using donor eggs. I’m still trying to figure out how and when to start those conversations. I don’t know how to do any of that yet, but I will when the time comes.
I am in awe of her joy, her enthusiasm, her sense of humor, her smile. She is by far the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I am beyond lucky.
We have three more frozen embryos, trying to decide what to do. This will be year two in storage, I need to figure this out soon.
And if I’m being perfectly honest, I don’t know if I have the strength to dive back into the infertility pool again. I’m not sure I can face another year+ of shots, the waiting, wondering and hoping. The potential losses. I just don’t know.
But I’m okay with the not knowing for now. Eventually the decision will be made…one way or the other.
Peace, y’all..
02/11/2012 at 2:37 am
Lovely to read your thoughts again – and thank you so much for your Congrats on my blog. I love your idea about keeping it simple so that your daughter is placed in positive situations that don’t require many “No’s”. That must be challenging but I’m sure the positive feelings between you and your daughter must be worth it. I too am planning to tell my child about his conception….obviously that’s a long way off for me. So I’ll be really interested to see how it all goes down for you. Best of luck working out what to do with the embryos – that’s not a position I envy at all. We are lucky though, aren’t we? I’m only 6 weeks into this and I don’t really feel like my little one is “of” me -I wonder if that will come – but I do feel like he’s the most precious gift.