I’m not here much anymore. I’ve switched jobs, my daughter is almost two and the times, they have been busy. And stressful. I know, cry me a river right? I don’t say this to complain, just to say that even after all this time I know exactly how lucky I am. I try to always embrace the good with the bad (at least it’s not ALL f-ing bad). I am lucky as hell to be here and lucky to have my little family. I’m still into simplicity. I try to put us all in situations where we don’t have to tell my daughter “no” very often – not a lot of discipline needed yet. So far, we are just enjoying each other. I hope it lasts as long as it can. I love this little girl with everything that I am.
I’m planning on being honest with her about her conception, about using donor eggs. I’m still trying to figure out how and when to start those conversations. I don’t know how to do any of that yet, but I will when the time comes.
I am in awe of her joy, her enthusiasm, her sense of humor, her smile. She is by far the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. I am beyond lucky.
We have three more frozen embryos, trying to decide what to do. This will be year two in storage, I need to figure this out soon.
And if I’m being perfectly honest, I don’t know if I have the strength to dive back into the infertility pool again. I’m not sure I can face another year+ of shots, the waiting, wondering and hoping. The potential losses. I just don’t know.
But I’m okay with the not knowing for now. Eventually the decision will be made…one way or the other.