I am a terrible blogger. I am a terrible commenter. some of that is about to change because I go back to work June 21st, and will be stuck in front of a computer for much longer stretches than I am now. Am I looking forward to it? Yes and no. The daycare is about two minutes from my place of employment which is good. I’m looking forward to reconnecting with friends and situations. I am not looking forward to the end of this magic carpet ride. And yes, even at this point it all sometimes seems like a dream. I haven’t even come up for air to check in on people I was checking on daily for months. A bit all-encompassing, new babies are. Mine has her first cold at present – she’s been irrigated, suctioned, cool mist vaporized and now she’s been pedialyted. You can now hear her snoring about one block away, mostly due to phlegm. But she’s asleep and happy. Even through this she smiles at me, with snot running and eyes bleary she’s still more good-natured than I can believe. She also likes her sleep, and I realize the incredible luck there as well. Breast-feeding never went well at all, never latched worth a damn. What started as a diet of 3/4 breast milk (thank you, Medela) and 1/4 formula has slowly turned into 1/4 breast milk 3/4 formula. I do what I can, but hey. Life must go on and everyone deserves to be happy right?

As far as donor eggs go, she is every inch mine. My heart squeezes in my chest every time I look at her and I thank our donor silently yet again. We’ve told her doctors everything, and some friends. At this point it doesn’t really come up but we’re prepping for it. We plan on telling her when she’s ready, we’ll burn that bridge when we feel it’s time. Donor IVF isn’t all that common around here. Her doctors (pediatrician and cardiologist, seen them several times – ‘nuther post) forget, and even people who knew all along what we were doing still forget. Oh, she gets that from you, her eyes are just like yours, etc. I don’t correct them, but it’s interesting how much of the “parents” even other people look for in a kid.

Meh. However she got here, she’s mine. I rock her, sing to her, hold her and soothe her. She smiles at me, visibly relaxes when she recognizes me and chirps for me. That’s all I ever wanted. The rest is up to her, and I’ll be here to help her along as much as she’ll let me.

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