I’m still here. Just sort of been thinkin’. Everything’s fine, things are still boring, which is good. I’m sort of trying to get used to a new frame of reference. I’m off my map now, in unfamiliar territory and I’m just sort of wandering in circles getting used to things. I’ve even started getting the “just you wait” stuff, which pisses me off and scares me at the same time. Maybe I can go through this whole pregnancy with nobody noticing – you think?

No? (sigh)

At my last OB appointment we discussed some specifics about my birth plans (wtf??!!). I’m only 11w4d, that seems a bit premature (screams the infertile in me), and my next appointment isn’t for another month. That’s weird enough. But the conversation with the insurance lady (aka pregnancy insurance advisor – give me a break) was even more surreal. We were informed while checking out after seeing the doctor that we need to talk to this “advisor”, and to have a seat in the waiting room again. After being retrieved by a shockingly perky girl, I realized that this is the meeting where they try to jerk money out of you for your future hospital stay if your insurance won’t cover something. It rather like an ambush – I totally didn’t see that coming. The infertile in me was absolutely sobbing at this point, and I think my ears were actually ringing. I apparently missed seeing this “advisor” by mere days when I miscarried before. I just couldn’t believe we were having this conversation now. Do they not know what all can still happen? To me anyway, if to nobody else? Our insurance was apparently in order, so we finally left with hospital information, telephone numbers, birth class schedules, general information brochures and a pregnancy journal (your pregnancy week by week). They’ll give us our “gift bag” at our next visit because everything in it would be expired by the time I delivered, she said. “Have a nice day!!”, she chirped at us on our way out the door…..

…..I was so overwhelmed I thought I would vomit. Way to mess up my “one-day-at-a-time” plan, toots. Thanks. I just can’t operate on that level anymore, apparently. My blinders fell off a long time ago – and they’re not something I can slip into and out of.

So I compensated by shoving all the info under the car seat and haven’t looked at it since. Mature, huh? I’d look through it, but I’m off to throw a tantrum, hog the computer (and the phone) and braid my hair……

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