Here’s more daily dharmas from Tricycle– two that I thought were neat:

You’re Already Free

There’s a traditional story about a man imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit who attempts to dig his way to freedom with a spoon—rather like the character played by Tim Robbins in The Shawshank Redemption. After years of bone-wearying struggle, his hands calloused and bloody, he finally realizes the futility of his efforts and gives up. Tears of frustration and desperation streaming down his cheeks, he leans back against the door of his cell, only to discover that it’s been unlocked all along. As implausible as this story may seem, the point is clear—the prison that you imagine constrains you doesn’t really exist.

How to Be Happy

In this world, all qualities spring from preferring the wellbeing of others to our own, whereas frustrations, confusion, and pain result from selfish attitudes. By adopting an altruistic outlook and by treating others in the way they deserve, our own happiness is assured as a byproduct. We should realize that self-centeredness is the source of all suffering, and that thinking of others is the source of all happiness.

Had the u/s yesterday: singleton pg, fundal implantation, measurements appropriate for 6w2d, hr 121.

Estimated due date – wait for it……

April Fool’s Day 2010.

It’s sort of appropriate, actually.

They also saw small subchorionic bleed (a couple of large ones torpedoed the last one), so Dr. RE told me to quit taking the baby aspirin. Apparently phospholipid syndrome has been treated with heparin alone in Europe with similar outcomes. I was told to make an appointment with the “normal” OB for 3 weeks, so he’s apparently not going to turn me loose until about 10 weeks. Which makes me feel a bit better. Even though they keep finding things to charge me for every time I go in. “Assisted hatching”?? WTF??! I know, why don’t you just keep my credit card and let me know when you ‘re done with it.

But I digress. Just have to work my cranky in, you know.

So yeah. Been here, done this. Still just going through the motions, still just waiting for the other shoe, still not planning anything. Just trying to breathe and get to work on time, thank you. The first thing’s working so far, the second not so much.

As far as symptoms go, I’m doing fine. I still have sore boobs (but not bad), no nausea/food aversions/cravings, some occasional headaches (though that could be from lots of things). Only complaints are the fatigue (just draggy all the time) and my butt is SORE, man. Sick, sick, sick of these shots. Have I already said that? Sick of it, I tell you. I don’t know if the needles are dull or if I just have elephant skin, but I’m having to screw these needles in. Especially the heparin shots, but sometimes even the PIO shots, as if they’re not bad enough. Anyone else having these issues, or am I just lucky? Argh. Whatever happens, I won’t have to do them for much longer. So no more griping about that from me.

Lately my first instinct is to bail out of social events and hibernate, but that’s a bit of a trap, isn’t it? So I take a very deep breath, smile and say, “Why of course, we’d love to come! What can we bring?” I remember how horrible the isolation was after the miscarriage, on top of the horrible business of the miscarriage. I’d like to try not to repeat that aspect, at least.

On a more chirpy note, I have some books ordered that I’m excited about, one that will show me how to play acoustic guitar just like Nancy Wilson, I’m sure of it – maybe even before I die. But only if I practice every day until my hands fall off.

Some dreams just die hard, don’t they?