Oops, forgot to post the second beta – 156. Means I’m still in the game, I guess.
Butt’s better, bruises are almost gone from the heparin injections (finally got the hang of all this), still feel like nothing’s physically going on. And if the universe is paying the kind of attention to me that it usually does, I’ll now proceed to contract swine flu or something worse. Excuse me, H1N1. Let’s give the little piggies a break, shall we?
The 6-wk ultrasound is scheduled for 8/11, and then I get to talk to the RE afterwards. I’m on the verge of buying more peesticks to last until then because apparently I don’t really feel like anything’s going on unless I’m being poked or prodded or otherwise medically invaded.
And I’m very, very uncomfortable with all this – again. The p-word, feeling like I’m sitting at the wrong table, can’t fathom making plans past…..well, today. So, I’ll just wander along as best I can. There’s a dinner party this weekend with people who I don’t plan on telling any time soon, but if I’m outed somehow I’ll just say it. I don’t exactly know how I’ll say it, and I’ll probably be mad at first, but it really isn’t that big a deal if you step back a bit. Much easier said than done, as we all know. One of the things I’m dreading the most is calling the damn daycare – again. Why do I have such angst over that? But I can’t exactly put it off, gotta have someplace to eventually put the rat (if it actually shows up this time).
Ack. Too much thinking on a Monday. Hope everything’s going well with the rest of you…..
Falling or Flying 
07/28/2009 at 2:17 am
This is fabulous and very encouraging news!! And I know exactly how you feel. It is so surreal to be there, and so much harder when you’ve had a loss becuase you want to be all excited and positive about it but first you wait for the other shoe to drop and find out you’re not pregnant, and then you wait for the other shoe to drop to tell you that something is wrong.
You’re not at the wrong table. You are doing all the right things, and you are wholly prepared with your battalion of docs to ensure that this one sticks and thrives.
I bet, though, you’ll feel like you’re at the wrong table for a long time. I tried so hard to enjoy my pregnancy or at least the concept of it but it was so hard to not always worry about every little thing. And now here I am.
You may worry your way through, but this is good, good news. The universe owes you, and it’s pay back time, baby.
I am quietly jumping up and down in the corner for you.
07/28/2009 at 2:23 am
I know exactly how you feel. I’ve found that taking it one day at a time is about the best you can do. And breathe. Often.
Good numbers -keep up the good work!
07/28/2009 at 6:06 pm
Yep, I think something would be wrong with you if you weren’t a little freaked out and anxious.
I;m thirlled for you and in time you will be thirlled for youself but yea…I understadn the cautious optimism.
And as far as people calling you out…F*ck them. I’d lie tothem if I wasn’t ready for them to know. I will never get over how obtuse people can be about private things.
07/30/2009 at 3:30 pm
I felt the same way during this phase, too.
Here’s hoping it’s all “boring” from now until 8/11 and beyond…
07/31/2009 at 11:56 pm
I go away for a week and you turn up the p-word? AWESOME! So happy . So so so happy for you.
08/02/2009 at 2:13 pm
Of course you are nervous. Sometimes it’s easier to imagine just going to sleep and waking up just in time for the u/s. Try to be optimistic- so far there is no reason not to be.