to satisfy my Zen fix, here’s Tricycle again:


Not Knowing

Zen Master Jizo said that “not knowing is the most intimate thing.” Not knowing means to be open to all eventualities, to not prejudge a person or situation. If your mind is full of preconceived notions, there is no room for an unbiased view. It is like when your hands are full of objects—you cannot pick up anything new. A closed mind causes separation and suspicion. Like an umbrella, a mind is only useful when it is open.

From “Zen in the Workplace: Approaches to Mindful Management,” Tricycle, Summer 1996

Okay. Of the 22, 15 were mature, and 14 fertilized. That’s a good start, I feel. The very nice, helpful embryo lady will call me tomorrow with their progress, and transfer will either be Sunday or Tuesday.

Still riding that emotional roller coaster. Ate sushi until I couldn’t stand up last night, then woke up at 5am and finished it off. Oddly enough, I’m still not sick of it. I think that based on my food preferences, I was born in the wrong country. I prefer anything Asian to most things American. I buy 25 pound bags of rice and actually go through them. I have 5 different types of rice in my pantry, and the funniest thing I’ve seen in a restaurant was my mother picking at shrimp tempura and jasmine rice (she hates it – too sticky), trying to figure out how to salt it. Pointing out that that was what soy sauce was for got me a level, steady-eyed glare. Which then prompted me to order sea urchin just to see her face (priceless). After that experience and me trying to make her try Indian food I’d made (dal) she said “What on earth happened to you? You can make all this stuff and you still can’t make fried chicken??” She swears she’d think I was adopted if she didn’t know better… and the fact that I look just like my dad.

Donor egg maybe?? 🙂 You know, honestly, there’s no accounting for genetics even within traditional families. It’s all a crapshoot anyway, isn’t it??

Okay. That’s my ramble for the day…. and thank you all for the words of encouragement! Like always, they mean the world to me.

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