Okay. I’ve got my shit back together, I think. Scares me a little bit that I could actually polish off an entire bottle of wine (whine) by myself without spending the night between the bathtub and the toilet, but hey – at least I didn’t wake up with a backache in addition to a headache.

Thank you all for the kind words, I know my only real choices are to quit or suck it up, and the only thing I know for sure right now is that I’m not ready to quit yet. I’m just mad, mostly. I’m going to have a productive (hopefully) mental health evening tonight. First, I’m throwing D out of the house. Then I’ll move on with some yoga, cook a new vegetarian recipe I found (something Iranian, I think – basmati rice, yogurt, almonds and golden raisins are in it somewhere), and I’ll end up with either a book or a video game, depending on how the cooking goes.

So, I’m feeling the beginnings of a positive streak. My meeting today went well, didn’t get skewered on anything by the physicians (always a plus) and it’s almost time to go home. I also just got an email from a work “friend” – I don’t know her well at all, but I like her. And I ended up in the waiting room with her at my RE about a year ago, staring at each other uncomfortably. I got called back before I could think of anything to say and she was gone when I got out. I sent her an email later, joking about “fancy meeting you here”, and that I would have spoken to her but the office staff was surprisingly efficient that morning. I also told her we should grab lunch sometime, and that ball’s just been sitting in her court ever since. I don’t think anyone knew she was seeing an infertility specialist. The times I’ve seen her around work she’s always said hello, given me a small smile and then looked quickly away. Today she emailed me today to see if we could grab lunch next week, and it’s weird how much my heart lifted after reading that. I hope I can help her, if that’s what she needs – let her know she’s not alone. This crap’s hard enough, even when you know you’re not….

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