I’m developing this ability to sort of sit back and watch a disaster happen without breaking stride. At the moment of impact, I’m pretty good. Thinking clearly, ask appropriate questions, just generally TCB, baby. Make notes for future followup, who to talk to, how to get hold of them. I’m floating along for now, coping well, breathing deeply. It’s the aftermath I’ll have difficulty dealing with, am frankly tired of dealing with. My concentration is eroding along with my nerves, my patience and my sense of humor. I hesitate to actually add a deadline to this farce, because I know my luck and how horrifically shitty it is. But something – and I can’t stress this enough – will work in my favor soon, or I will not be responsible for the aftermath. And my friends, it will be ugly. You’ll read about me in the news. “I’ve never seen anything like it – green smoke poured out of her eye sockets and flame shot out of her ass….”

The backup donor’s now taken, she signed a contract through another agency. Still no info on mine, who’s cyst should have been biopsied by now. I’ve also requested info on a couple of other people. And, it’s REALLY pissing me off that everyone has huge chunks of my money except ME. The AGENCY has 15K (5 of it nonrefundable) for a nonexistent donor, and my CLINIC has 10K for the cycle that should have happened last SEPTEMBER. I’m THIS close to asking for it all back, because if it’s just going to SIT somewhere, it might as well sit in MY FUCKING BANK ACCOUNT.

WTF??!! What, in which past life, have I done to deserve this? I can’t shake anything loose to save my bloody life.

I honestly don’t know what to do.

Assvice, please……..assvice needed.