So, I’m feeling quite old today. I’ve somehow managed to pull a tiny pectoral muscle AND something in between my shoulder blades. So sitting and breathing are both uncomfortable. Doing both at the same time is particularly refreshing. I have no idea how I did it, but I certainly didn’t do it exercising. And as I sit (and breathe) at work, trying to …you know……..WORK, I overhear all kinds of life plans. Those of the young and foolish, the older and stupid, and the few reasonably sane people I work with, and I’m jealous. I’m jealous because I’d like to have been able to plan out my reproduction, and mindlessly natter about it with other people with whom I have nothing in common, except the fact that we both have children. Did that sound nasty? Perhaps I’m just cranky. All this breathing…..

And then I think, if I can damage myself without even trying, how the hell am I going to keep up with a toddler (or two), which then leads me right back around to the wishing that I’d been able to plan out my reproduction. I didn’t mean to end up having a baby when I’m 40, especially not a first one. I know that people do it all the time, I even know of a couple of them IRL. I’ve happened across the blogs of several women lately who are older moms, and they seem to manage just fine. Maybe I’m afraid that I don’t want this enough anymore. That the “when life gives you lemons, bring the vodka and invite friends” mentality is working maybe too well. That maybe God knows that this a catastrophic mistake, and keeps toeing it just out of reach going, “…..are you SURE you’re sure? Well, ookaaaaaaay……” . Lots of this is probably just me trying to deal with the waiting, I realize. But still….

So, I’m scouting for older moms. If any of you happen by, can I ask you a few things? I’d like to know all the pros and cons of being an older parent in every, excruciating detail. I’m gonna be a complete rookie at this, after all. Any pointers would be helpful…

Thank you very much, for your time and attention…

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