So, has anyone else in this situation been unbelievably paranoid? What a stupid question – of course everyone’s paranoid after IVF. I just mean that there are times that I wish I’d never told ANYONE what’s going on. And then I feel like a complete jerk – I should be appreciative and grateful for people who are concerned enough to be interested in my welfare. Instead I feel a bit like a mole shoved out from under a rock into the sunlight, blinking, uncertain and way too exposed. I skipped a friend’s birthday party mid-week because the restaurant they picked made me ill the last 2 times I went, and I’ve been having slight heartburn issues (normally I have a cast-iron stomach). That was enough to start speculation – plus my husband went out of town and they couldn’t understand why I didn’t go with him (1st beta done Monday, he left Tuesday, 2nd beta done Wednesday + totally freaked out = at home under the couch). So, second birthday party was that weekend and the grapevine (all 2 friends who know the saga) told me that several people are definitely curious. I don’t know why that bothered me so much. I was almost angry, I think. At some point I’m going to have to admit it, I guess, provided nothing happens (have to throw that disclaimer in every time I mention being pregnant out loud). I guess it’s that I can’t get my head around all this yet, and maybe I have some slight control issues (oh, surely not – not me). I’ve known I’m pregnant for barely a week – and who knows if it’ll stick around? I could always be like these movie stars and not admit I’m pregnant until I’m in labor on the red carpet with the cameras rolling. Just because there’s speculation doesn’t mean I have to respond to it, after all. The husband returned yesterday, maybe that’ll help some – crazy loves some company!

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