So, I just got The Letter from my IF clinic. The one telling me to renew freezer storage for our three remaining embies, donate them or destroy them.
I’m not sure what to do. It’s a decision that nobody can make but me. The only thing completely out of the realm of possibilities is option C. No way. If I don’t use them I’ll offer them to someone else.
If I don’t use them.
I’m mulling things over. Pros and cons both ways, back and forth and back and forth.
I don’t know if I’m tough enough to do all that again. The shots for a year…the waiting and wondering and hoping. The falling apart and dragging myself back together. Can I handle all that and still keep up with taking care of a 15-month old? And myself? ‘Cause this chicken sure ain’t getting any younger, you know? Care will definitely have to be taken.
I honestly don’t know. I see now how IVF after a successful pregnancy can definitely be yet another nightmare. It puts a face on the on the end result. It smells like warm milk, sounds like dreams and feels like a tiny warm bundle hugging onto you. And if/when it goes badly (depending on if you’re an optimist), you now know exactly what you’ve lost.
I’m not sure I’m that tough, and I’m scared to be wrong. Maybe I’ll just stay on the fence until I fall off or something knocks me off. That’s usually how things work for me, anyway. Aren’t my decision making-skills amazing? 
06/06/2011 at 2:24 pm
I naively thought that IVF after a success would be easier. Easier because I already had a baby, easier because I felt more confident that it might just work because we finally figured out the right treatment to make it work (ie donor eggs for us).
It was neither and as you said, the losses were more tangible.
I think if you are not sure what you want to do with the embryos yet and the storage fee is not outrageous for your budget there is no harm hanging on to them until you are in a place to decide.
(P.S. Missed you and glad to see new posts from you!)
06/09/2011 at 1:21 pm
Oh, I know only too well where you are. We got the same ‘Letter’ last year. Those two embryos now sit inside me and I can totally agree with Summer’s comments….it’s scary as hell to go through again, I just never realised how hard. But no pain no gain as someone flippant once said!
07/17/2011 at 3:40 am
That’s a tough choice. I don’t know what it feels like but I can see why it would be such a heartfelt struggle and I wish you well with whatever decision you end up making. I think I’d be like you though…I’m a bit of a “wait and see” person myself when I don’t absolutely “know” what to do. Best Wishes.